never gone

2006-02-02T03:35:00.000-08:00

my new webpage

here.

add me.

2005-10-22T02:09:00.000-07:00

i am feeling numb.
not because the exams are over
not because choir has started
not beacause i am worried whether i will get into IP
not because i am broke

but because i feel aimless.
this is bad.

anyway, i wasn't really on hiatus, just didn't feel like blogging.
hey, not my fault.
i am feeling numb.
like no matter how much i poke myself,i don't feel anything??!!

erk.

2005-09-03T02:35:00.000-07:00

my blog is DEAD.

whosh.

that is because i haven't been updating. lazy me xD
wonder if that means i can say anything i want. no one comes here anymore anyway.

hey, that is a great thought. wow, where did i get that from?

inspiration. =)

~~what a short post.~~

2005-08-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

today i went shopping with my mother and my cousin. as far as i know, none of my shopping trips with my mother ever turns out well, but surprisingly, this one was a miracle. i managed to find a top to go with my long flowy skirt, which also successfully made me look like a wrapped up present. but other than that it was quite nice.

recently i like colours like lime green and apple green.which is so unlike me last time, beause i used to like pink, which is totally irky to me now. thinking of pink makes me sick, but the problem is, i look better in pink than in green, and THAT is bad. ok, i should correct that, i hate some shades of pink. so right now i have a big problem as much of my clothes are pink if i am not wrong. i am currently lacking in a dress too (you know those kind of tube ones which are so cute?) so i must go looking for one someday.

charlie and the chocolate factory was not bad, it was quite funny and i like johnny depp, who is acting as willy wonka. he is so cute! i particuarly like his oh-so-red lips, which are so thick and wonderfully nice. the storyline was also different from the book's one though and it is about family. but on the whole, it was nice. bewitched was also nice. i like nicole kidman, she is so cute and i especially like the part where she scolded the guy and the part where she cast the spell on him, he looked so stupid, and it was very funny too, even funnier than charlie and the chocolate factory. i want to watch the maid. anyone wants to go with me?

my mom says that i don't study enough, but i don't think so.

2005-08-05T01:16:00.000-07:00

~~maybe i should not say this~~

recently so many things have been happening that i don't know what to say.

whatever.i realised that my entries are getting shorter.

2005-08-01T02:33:00.000-07:00

i wish i could fly up in the sky taste the kiss of the sun and smell the cool air
apple mint drops and lemonade kisses in the air. i wish i could just hold your hand forever and walk along the beach and look at the blue blue sea with the salty smell of seabreeze in your hair and and see the laughter in your eyes. i wish i could touch your face once more to take away those worries and fill you up with laughter. i wish i could look at the skies without thinking about you and those honey baked pies with those iced lemon teas. i wish i could lay down next to you and sing those childhood songs where we lose ourselves and end up laughing till we cried. i wish i could indulge in chocolate ice cream and strawberry in cream and peppermint drops with you.

just like the music box you gave me. with the ballerina and with the wonderful tune that got stuck in my head. just like the way your laughter had a kind of ring to it which made me think about it days after i heard it. just like the sound of your voice which reminds me of warm coffee and of many wonderful titbits that i used to steal from you. all those lollipops that still seems so lovely and colourful to me. just like the way you stole my heart just by singing a simple song, with your wonderul smile that got me mesmerized.

i wish i could see you again.

how i wish

all these would come true.

i knew you would leave me

one day.

i wish i may

i wish i might.

get the wish

i wish tonight.

2005-07-28T04:10:00.000-07:00

to lihong!

kisskisskisskiss

hah. finally made it to my blog!!

feeling better now.

being a SL sucks

i am so not a piano person

grrr..

sabbaticals almost over, so sad..

eat me up and spit my bones out <33

2005-07-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

do i look stupid?

whatever.i am depressed.
home econs research sucks.

i need to pull all my hair out. hold on a moment.

2005-07-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

i don't think i can ever be so happy for a long time. the crazy stuff we did, like kissing each other, desprately hugging each other and taking photos sitting on the grand piano (opps.)were great. i mean, we are great. it was a whoopper.
to all the dearies:
♥s.

Kaixuan:have i ever told you that many of us juniors loved your voice? (wait, i think i did about a hundred times.) you were a good president and senior and will always be to us. (thanks for you two lollipops ♥. )

Melissa loh♥:thanks for your lovely hugs and smell (i smelt of you the whole night after hugging you.haha)and also for being a good SL/conductor/senior/friend. =)

Celine:thanks for making choir so enjoyable. cheers to my funkiest senior!!!!(do you know that we used to be scared of you?) ♥

Yubai: i love you!!! ahhh....i will really miss you!!! T_T Thanks for always being there, and helping us to point out our mistakes and do our makeup and being a good senior. ♥

Louise: thanks for the flower!(u haven't thanked me yet!! :D) and also for the crazy stuff we did!! ♥ love you! muack!

Melissag ☻: haha...melissag. to the bearbear, muak! ♥ thanks for being always there for me! (why you didn't buy flower for me??!! hm! don't friend you!haha...just joking )

yiting& yixiao: thanks for the stuff u did in helping us!! ☻

KERRYN!!!!♥♥: *BIG HUG!!* thanks for being like a bigbig sister to me!! and also for being a good senior and everything.....for all the times we had.....thanks...☺ we will always love you!!

kimberly: the chio bu!! u look so pretty even when u are crying ♥. you will always be our wonderful senior. muak!

Sylvia: ♥thanks for that hug!! sorry we made you cry harder!!

Yangzi: hah! thanks for the flower and the crazy stuff we did! ♥

lihong: thanks for the roses!! i love it!! hughug. ♥

samantha: thanks for coming and for the flower!! ♥

and to everyone: thanks for coming and watching us!! ♥

i guess the list will go on forever, but basically i love choir and i know we rock!!! forever and ever!!!

JIAMIN: i love your flowers and your hugs and your kisses!!! muack muack

i am singing to the stars.

2005-07-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

IT SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET. NOW I AM FALLING OFF MY FEET.WE WERE GLAMOROUS. FLASH THAT DAZZLING SMILE AGAIN AT ME.

2005-07-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

hey, i am back.

thanks guys for all those comments. i really appreciated it, at least it made me feel a little better. hah.

anyway, i am really looking forward to FOA. sometimes when you have something to look forward to, life is more interesting.

ripped this off jiamin's blog, its really good.

>my mom only had one eye.
>i hated her...
>she was such an embarressment..
>my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.
>she collected little weeds and such to sell...
>anything for the money we needed she was such
>an embarressment.
>
>there was this one day during elementary school..
>it was field day, and my mom came.
>i was so embarressed.
>how could she do this to me?
>i threw her a hateful look and ran out.
>
>the next day at school...
>
>"your mom only has one eye?!?!"
>
>..and they taunted me.
>i wished that my mom would just dissappear from
>this world
>
>so i said to my mom,
>"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?! if
>you're only gonna make me a laughingstock, why
>dont you just die?!!!"
>
>my mom did not respond..
>i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it
>felt
>good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say
>all this time..
>maybe it was because my mom hadnt punished
>me, but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings
>very
>badly.
>
>that night...
>
>i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass
>of water.
>my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she
>was afraid that she might wake me.
>i took a look at her, then turned away.
>because of the thing i had said to her earlier, there
>was something pinching at me in the corner of my
>heart.
>
>even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of
>her one eye.
>
>so i told myself that i would grow up and become
>successful.
>cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our
>desperate poverty..
>
>then i studied real hard.
>i left my mother and came to Seoul and studied,
>and got accepted in the Seoul University with all
>the confidence i had.
>
>then, i got married.
>i bought a house of my own.
>then i had kids, too.. now i'm living happily as a
>successful man.
>
>i like it here because it's a place that doesnt
>remind
>me of my mom.
>
>this happiness was getting bigger and bigger,
>when..
>
>what?!
>who's this?!
>...it was my mother...
>..still with her one eye.
>it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
>
>my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
>and i asked her,
>"who are you?!"
>"i dont know you!!!"
>as if trying to make that real.
>i screamed at her,
>" how dare you come to my house and scare my
>daughter!"
>"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
>and to this, my mother quietly answered,
>"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong
>address,"
>and she dissappeared out of sight.
>
>thank good ness...
>she doesnt recognize me..
>i was quite relieved.
>i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think
>about this for the rest of my life.
>then a wave of relief came upon me...
>
>one day,
>a letter regarding a school reunion came to my
>house.
>
>so, lying to my wife that i was going on a business
>trip,
>i went. after the reunion,
>i went down to the old shack,
>that i used to call a house...
>
>just out of curiosity there,
>i found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
>but i did not shed a single tear.
>she had a piece of paper in her hand....
>
>it was a letter to me.
>
>my son...
>i think my life has been long enough now..
>and...
>i wont visit Seoul anymore...
>but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to
>come visit me once in a while?
>i miss you so much..
>and i was so glad when i heard you were coming
>for the reunion.
>but i decided not to go to the school. .
>..for you...
>and i'm sorry that i only have one eye,
>and i was an embarressment for you.
>
>you see, when you were very little,
>you got into an accident,
>and lost your eye.
>as a mom,
>i couldnt stand watching you having to grow up
>with only one eye...
>so i gave you mine...
>i was so proud of my son that was seeing a
>whole new world for me,
>in my place, with that eye.
>i was never upset at you for anything you did..
>the couple times that you were angry with me,..
>i thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me..'
>my son... oh, my son...

i feel like crying.

have i ever mentioned how i never seem to be able to cry openly in front of people.
well, i guess this would have been an exception.

i think sometimes we do some rash things in the fit of an anger, but i doesn't really matter, as long as you realise it fast enough. regret is a very painful emotion, especially when you are sorry for something you done.

perhaps what has to be will be.

2005-07-08T04:36:00.000-07:00

i think i am seriously depressed. but surprisingly it is not because:
1) i have unsatisfactory exam results
2) i am fat
3) i am flat. (maybe i should go for bust enhancement. hah)
4) i am ugly.
5) nothing ever works out. (like the fact that today's youth day our store's business was bad and the ice cream melted and the ice cream is still in the freezer in the staff room(!!!))
6) i am soooooo hungry. (i didn't eat lunch and here i am typing away)
7) the lack of social life.
8) i look so ugly and spastic when i smile . bleh.

but it is because during choir today, i found out that me being SL is like the downfall of nanyang a2s. we had voice training today and believe me, it was bad. miss lim said that the sec 4s had NO support, and so i guess we(the music comm, which consists of sec 2 & 3s ) are worse. and fyi, i think i am the worst of the lot. (like what jiamin or whoever said,) i feel intimidated. the sec 4s are like damn good lah. they were sooooo loud and miss lim said they were not using enough support. like woosh.

second bad thing that happened. me, jiamin and louise went to the toilet (because jiamin said that if we don't empty out bladder, we might run the risk of being unsble to control it later when we sing alone in front of corinna.)and on our way there we were yawning very loudly. and we were practising our high notes.(beacuse miss lim said we need to have a more ringing voice) and then we ust went to the toilet. but the thing was, after the voice traning, when we went downstairs, we saw this big group of people(all guys from RI npcc) and we were still singing night. and i got this big shock. (because my voice actually cracked when i sang) ok, so that is badthing number two.

badthing number three, i am very hungry and i need to eat. so anyway, today ~~was~~ is a bad day.

2005-07-05T05:04:00.000-07:00

damn. i finally realized why my posts are gone.
I CHANGED MY BLOG
stupid mistake. i was wondering where my posts disappeared to. geez.

today we had maths RE-test.made and produced specially for people like me who is on the lowly intellectual side, besides the fact that i have an even lower brain power.
the maths test wasn't as difficult but i just hope i can pass. HOPE.

today was officially my first day as SL. i can garauntee you that being an SL is not easy, especially when you only have a grade 4 in piano and you know that you have juniors who are in grade 8 or something. wheez. i think without Louise i wouldn't be able to make it. ha.

recently i kind of realized that i am getting fat. so i promised myself not to :
1)not sit on a chair right after eating. (i have to walk around for at least half and hour)

2)eat less tidbits(although i don't really have tidbits at home due to my mother's obsession with a healthy diet and the only time i can eat tidbits is in school or when i go out.)

3)exercise!!! (helps to build muscles and takes away irritating fats)

4)jump more and grow taller so that i don't look short and stumpy. (for your info, my legs are SHORT and my body is LONG. the opposite way. which is kind of sad. but nevermind, i shall try to find ways to change that.)

5)maybe buy some dumbells to train my arms, which is getting fat. (i just can't stand looking at the years of fats added up together all congested on my arms. especially when your school uniform is short sleeved and you get to see your lousy arms at any opportunity. yuk)

i definitely need to keep this list to constantly remind myself of my goals.
i used to have absolutely no goal in life. now i feel accomplished because i have came up with a list. ha.

i think i am quite a good crapper and maybe i should try to be a writer when i grow up. MAYBE. well, right now i am just sitting here trying not to think too much about my homework which is giving me a headache. which reminds me. yesterday when i went out with melissa and charlotte, we saw this really cute soft toy with a mega watt smile and it was so cute! even though my smile might not be mega watt(maybe 0.5 watt) i shall try my best. *give a self-satisfied smile*